While I’m still patiently waiting on a simple three-hand version, ever since Hublot debuted the Square Bang collection in 2022, the brand has managed to release every kind of case you’d want for the square-cased Unico chronographs that make up the line. The options include titanium, ceramic, sapphire, the brand’s own King Gold, and several combinations thereof. This year, they decided what the collection needed was diamonds. Lots of diamonds. Ranging from a restrained (for Hublot) diamond-set bezel to a fully baguette-set case and priced from $30,400 to $400,000, the blinged-out Hublot Square Bang Unico models are exactly what you’d expect from a brand known for wild extravagance.

Covering each and every one of its upper crust bases, Hublot brings four tiers of diamond-set Square Bangs to the table, three of which are available in titanium or King Gold, the brand’s proprietary gold alloy that uses platinum to provide a warmer tone than traditional 5N red gold. The Diamonds model features a bezel set with 44 diamonds, the Pavé adds 94 round diamonds to the case, and the Jewellery model replaces the round-cut bezel diamonds with 50 baguette-cut diamonds. And then there are the off-catalog High Jewellery models, available in fully polished King Gold or White Gold. These no-holds-barred stunners get baguette diamonds on the bezel, case, clasp, and dial, for a total of 285 diamonds weighing 17.9 carats.

The Hublot Square Bang Unico jewelry pieces (as I’ll call them) all share the same Square Bang case as the original models, which we went hands-on with last year. That means a satin-finished and polished (fully polished for the Jewellery and High Jewellery models) 42mm case that measures 14.5mm thick, with a gentle curvature that eases straight into the integrated strap for an exceptional wrist hug. No, the watches aren’t small but, true to Hublot, they wear far better than they have any right to. Thanks to all the layers and components of the case, even with their glistening gems, the watches still convey that rugged overbuilt feeling for which Hublot is known. Early reactions to the Square Bang made accusations of it being a bulky take on the Cartier Santos, but as ever with these sorts of things, this is a reaction that few if any have when they experience the watches in the metal. Aside from the general idea of being square, these watches are absolutely nothing like the Santos. They look and feel like a Hublot, just squarer than we’re used to.

Except for the High Jewellery watches, which come on leather, the models are fitted with Hublot’s integrated rubber straps, which can be swapped for any of the myriad straps Hublot offers for this style. The straps all flow out from the case, seamlessly maintaining the silhouette and reducing the visual bulk of the watches. They’re quite comfortable, and the push-button release to change them (that trapezoid at the edge of the case) is a cinch to operate. The clasps have a matching toolless quick-change mechanism too, meaning you don’t have to fuss too much with the hardware when you want to change the strap. The High Jewellery models, you might have guessed, feature even more diamonds, set into the clasp in place of the Hublot-branded insert. For what it’s worth, the watches feature rubber on the screw-down crown and on the pushers and offer 100m of water resistance. I’d love to meet the person who straps one of these on for the pool — I’m sure they exist.

What’s it like experiencing a watch that’s already big and bold to begin with, but has then been set with a bunch of diamonds? Every extra diamond makes the watches that much cooler. Wearing these, one after another, going from a bezel of diamonds to the side-by-side, no-gap baguette-set models is a jarring experience. On first seeing the Diamonds version, I thought it was too much, but by the end, I thought it wasn’t enough, not by a mile. Nor was I satisfied with the Pavé models; the gaps between the round stones were unattractive and I could still see all the case bolts. The Jewellery models only solved the aesthetic issues of the Pavé for the bezel, not the entire watch. I realized quickly that when there’s the option for full, uninterrupted diamonds, it is the only option.

All the models feature a transparent sapphire dial with a big eye chronograph layout, with a running seconds subdial at 6 and a 60-minute chronograph totalizer at 3 o’clock. The latter register is enlarged to incorporate the date window, which shows a metal date wheel made of cut-out numerals linked to a central ring. They also all get sharp-looking floating indices and a big, bold handset, all lumed and matched to the case material. Legibility suffers a bit on the titanium and white gold models due to the tone-on-tone nature of things, but I think with these watches we’re well beyond legibility concerns. The issue is helped a bit by black chronograph flanges, which also feature on the King Gold models. But once again, the High Jewellery models put the others to shame. Both of these heavy hitters see the indices, chapter ring, and subdial flanges set completely with baguette-cut diamonds. If I’m being nitpicky, I’d say that the chapter ring and subdial flanges should be set with the number of diamonds that still allows for their use in reading out the time, but these are $400,000 bling things, and I’m not really worried about reading the chronograph. If time is money, and I’ve got the money for one of these, I probably don’t need to worry much about being a minute or two off.

The Square Bang models all house the brand’s in-house automatic HUB1280 Unico chronograph movement. The movement delivers a substantial 72-hour power reserve at 28,800 vph, and features a column wheel chronograph mechanism with flyback functionality, allowing for rapid successive timings. This movement can be found outside of the Square Bang collection, as well, and I assume that on the normal, unadorned models it seems perfectly appropriate. But something was disappointing about having the bejeweled model in hand only to roll it over to a movement with decidedly utilitarian finishing. While there is something attractive to the smooth finish of almost every single component, it’s at odds with the glitz and glam of these watches. Maybe even a gold rotor would have been enough, but given that it’s Hublot, I would argue for a diamond-set one.

Frankly, this is exactly the kind of outrageous watchmaking I like to see from Hublot. There’s a reason I think the Fusion line (notwithstanding the Orlinski models) is dull: people go to Hublot for the wild stuff, and even though the Fusion is where it all started, historicity isn’t enough for me. Give me solid sapphire cases and bracelets, give me central tourbillon flower watches, give me interdimensional space cases with matching hands — give me ostentatious, conspicuous wealth, or give me death! And yes, give me diamonds on diamonds on diamonds. I want the full Hublot — big, bold, complicated construction in wild materials and with obscene decoration — and these watches are exactly that.

The diamond-studded Hublot Square Bang Unico watches are priced as follows: $30,400 USD for the Titanium Diamonds (Ref. 821.NX.0170.RX.1204), $38,800 USD for the Titanium Pavé (Ref. 821.NX.0170.RX.1604; not pictured), $76,800 USD for the Titanium Jewellery (Ref. 821.NX.0170.RX.0904; not pictured), $50,400 USD for the King Gold Diamonds (Ref. 821.OX.0180.RX.1204; not pictured), $58,800 USD for the King Gold Pavé (Ref. 821.OX.0180.RX.1604), and $100,000 USD for the King Gold Jewellery (Ref. 821.OX.0180.RX.0904). The Square Bang White Gold High Jewellery (Ref. 821.OX.9018.LR.9904) and Square Bang White Gold High Jewellery (821.WX.9017.LR.9904) are both priced at $400,000 USD. For more information, please visit the brand’s website.